


I haven't chosen a title yet. Please suggest some.

by Regrets_trademark



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Drinking, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, House M.D. - Freeform, M/M, OC, Overdosing, Panic Attacks, Self Harm, attempted suicide, blood mention, it's not all sad tho, just give it a chance, mental illness slurs, mentioned past prostitution
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-10 14:45:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7849237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Regrets_trademark/pseuds/Regrets_trademark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer, a homeless young man in New York, tried to kill himself and was placed under involuntary hold in Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital for being a danger to himself and others. There he meets Juan Alvarez and finds the first good thing in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off an RP my friend and I did.  
> Also I went a little bit over board one night while hyped up on coffee and created a form of involuntary holding for Spencer so if you wanna check that out here's a link to it!  
> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1fzKqTLmQsqeYdMSbdU1W3qiQDjdOuqGIeZ8w781JIb8/edit?usp=drive_web

Spencer had been threatened to be sent to a ward for mental patients when he was a child growing up and being tossed around from orphanage to orphanage. Now he was actually being sent to one, and not of his own accord. The whole situation had passed in a blur for him. One moment he was downing shots of hard liquor waiting for that and the cocktail of pills in his stomach to take him out of this miserable life he was living. Next thing he knew he saw bright lights and had hoped it to be Heaven or even Hell. He was greeted to sight of multiple nurses around him, checking his vitals for a moment as he faded into consciousness. The next twelve hours were even more of a question. He faded in to see a doctor’s flashlight causing his pupils to constrict, trying to lessen the light flooding them, then the world went back to darkness. Another time he was being pumped with a larger amount of fluids than he thought his veins would have room for. That was the final time he faded out.

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Spencer had been thinking about ending himself for a few months now. He had planned everything out so well that he wouldn’t be found until the next day when his soul was long gone and there was no hope of reviving him. His parents were either dead or just didn’t want him so he was left at an orphanage as a toddler. Even as a child he lacked the social tendencies seen in other children. He shied away from others and didn’t speak to anyone unless they had asked him something, and even then he would speak as little as he could manage without seeming rude. The other kids around him noticed it and would often bully him, he had dealt with more than a few bloodied noses and busted lips in his life. He was smaller than the other kids his age and he preferred spending time with girls instead of boys. He dealt with many tormenting nicknames as a child too, but those wouldn’t compare to some of the ones he dealt with later on in his life. 

He was never adopted and kept by a family for more than a couple weeks, and spent his whole life going from orphanage to orphanage. Since he hardly knew how to deal with people the adopting couples never learned much about him during the visits to the orphanage and didn’t form any sort of bond with him. This resulted in him never getting adopted, because who wanted to adopt a kid who didn’t talk to the adopting parents? He got used to it though, the couples would gush over how adorable he was then when they went to have a conversation with him he would get nervous and barely speak to them. He had been adopted once, but they brought him back, saying in hushed whispers to the head of the adoption agency that they didn’t want a “defective, awkward, mentally unhealthy kid who didn’t know how to handle even a simple conversation between people.” He heard them but just acted like he didn’t, it wasn’t the first time someone had said such things about him, so he had grown used to it.  
He spent all of his childhood in the orphanages near him, being sent from one to another to try and get him adopted. He never was adopted after that though. He made a close friend at one of the orphanages who would stand up for him when he needed it and they ended up moving in together when they both turned eighteen and were thrown out into the world without another glance from the orphanages or the people who had raised them. 

The two friends got jobs and moved into a small apartment together and lived with one another for three years. Then for reasons unbeknownst to Spencer aside from “We are sorry to inform you but your position has been eliminated.” He was fired from his job he had been steadily working at for those three years. He went back to his apartment that day and saw that his roommate sorting through their few things and putting Spencer’s into boxes. He was stepped into the apartment and looked at the other, sitting his key to the side on the table next to the door.

“Zach what are you doing?” He asked nervously as he went over to the other quickly, brows furrowed.

“I’m sorry Spence, I wasn’t sure how to tell you but you have to get out, my girlfriend is moving in and there isn’t enough space for all three of us. You have to leave man.”

Spencer felt his chest tighten as he was told to go and he quickly began speaking, hoping he could somehow buy himself at least a couple more weeks to get another job. “Zach please, I just got fired, is there any way I can stay for another week or two until I can get another job? I’m begging you here man. I’ve got nowhere to go and I have no money, please don’t do this to me.” He felt his eyes prickling with the threat of tears and he aggressively wiped at his eyes to keep them from coming out and rolling down his face.

Zach sighed with a shake of his head. “No dude, she’s moving in today and thinks you’ve been out for a week. I’m sorry but you can’t stay.” With that Zach handed Spencer his small amount of belongings and ushered him out the door. 

Spencer ended up pawning what he owned so he could try to get enough money for a place to stay but that attempt failed miserably. He started applying for jobs but his social anxiety prevented him from being able to truly talk to the potential employers and his lack of people skills usually denied him the job.

This carried on for six months before he got so sick of trying he wanted to end everything and just slip away into nothingness. He would just be another tragic dead homeless youth on the streets. He would be fine with that right now, to just die and never have to face another day of his constant struggling. He had given up long before now only he finally got the urge to truly end everything.  
He stole pills and money, worked street corners and was used as a no-strings-attached fuck by whoever wanted to hire him for that night. He had given up caring about what was going on anymore. He let them use him however they wanted to, men and women, because once he got the money he needed he was going to drink and let it take him away with the cocktail of pills that would be in his system at the same time.

He managed to steal and barter enough for the pills and alcohol he hoped would end his existence. He took all the pills first with some water before heading into the nearest bar. He began taking shots of whatever they would give him and soon enough he started to feel sluggish, like he was moving underwater. He got up from the barstool, threw down the rest of the cash he had left on him to pay for the drinks and even provide some extra cash. He slurred out to the bartender to keep the change and give everyone a round on him before stumbling outside and collapsing into a pile of trash next to the dumpster.

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The next time he came to consciousness he was laying in a hospital bed with a nurse turned away from him to wash her hands. He startled her as he moved to get up and she was quick to dry her hands off and hurry over to ease him back down with a white smile surrounded by maraschino cherry red lips.

“Hey, hey, easy now. Nice to see you awake. I’ll go get the doctor.” With a light pep in her step she turned away from him, olive hands retracting before she spun to head from the room, leaving him with a raven colored pony tail waving him goodbye as she went to get the doctor.

He panicked momentarily. This wasn’t what he wanted, he didn’t want to be saved from his death. He sighed and looked around, taking in the look of his pale hands against the even paler bedsheet. He had been here for a while, he didn’t smell the scent of hospitals, the medicine scent mixed with disinfectant and that one particular scent that belong distinctly to hospitals. He looked out the nearby window and shook his head before using the hand of his non-tube entrance arm to wipe the sleep out of his eyes.

The doctor entered the room with a clipboard that had a pen attached to it. He started out by instructing Spencer to identify himself -- he was currently under ‘John Doe’ since he had no form of I.D on him -- and answer any questions he was asked. The first one was regular things, date of birth, name, address. Then he was bombarded with a multitude of questions he wasn’t quite prepared for. The answers came easily to the question though. Why he had that many pills and that much alcohol in his system, how he received the pills he had no prescription for, and how long he had been living on the streets.  
Spencer had been hoping once he had been discharged he could end himself so he saw no problem with telling the doctor what had been going on. The doctor nodded along to what he was saying and wrote down the answers he gave before adding his own notes with it. He soon smiled at Spencer and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He cleared his throat slightly before speaking in a deep voice.

“Thank you very much Mr. Goodmann. I’ll be back in a couple hours. I apologize for the long length of time but I need to do some paperwork I can’t avoid.” And with that he was walking out of the room.  
When he returned it was around an hour later and he was accompanied by two other people wearing badges that read the name of the mental hospital nearby, Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital. Spencer felt a sudden surge of panic in himself at the sight of them. No, this was awful. He would be forced to live. He would be held until they believed he was “cured” and then thrown back out with another debt on his shoulders.

He stood up but they surrounded him. He felt the room closing in as all three of them work ed to get him calmed down. He started panicking. The walls were closing in on him, there was a heavy weight on his chest. He repeated internally that it was all in his mind, he was fine, he could breathe. He also felt a dull pain on his lower lip as he thought these things. He vaguely heard one doctor say that he was trying to self harm. He got tunnel visioned and kept moving his eyes quickly as he tried his hardest to focus on more than one thing. The room spun around him and he put a hand on the nearest stable surface to keep himself balanced, his stomach was twisting and turning in ways that made him feel incredibly nauseous and he felt like he was dying in that moment. He wanted to get away, he tried to get himself to be stable enough that he could get out of the room but the other three men in the room closed in on him.

Then things got blurry as two doctors from the mental ward lifted him up and carried him to the car to be transported. He was placed in the back with both the doctors from Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital climbing in the front. He began to calm down once he was no longer being crowded with people he didn’t know which helped ease off the panic he was feeling. He focused on his breathing, telling himself he was fine and that these people were not going to hurt him. He started to focus on things that he could use to ground himself again and help calm him back down. 

He brushed his fingertips over the edge of the window, tracing and leaving behind light marks of fingers on them. He watched the world pass by for a few moments before he stared holes into the floor. When he spoke to the two doctors in the front of the car he sounded almost defeated. “Mayfield Psych Hospital huh?” He looked out the window again, watching every building that passed in a slight blur.  
“Yes sir.” One of the doctors responded, glancing at Spencer in the passenger side mirror, watching him for a moment before looking ahead of himself again.

The rest of the ride was silent, which Spencer was internally grateful for. He was drained emotionally and physically from the panic attack, he stared at his lap for a few minutes and when he looked up again he was passing through a gate and ahead of him loomed a small building. It was made of brick with white trimming, it looked more homey than he would expect a psychiatric hospital to look, then when they got closer he could see bars on the inside and outside of the windows. The cars parked outside divided into two different sections, one area had a sign that read ‘STAFF PARKING’ and another that read ‘VISITOR PARKING’. The visitor parking lot had a sparse amount of cars while the staff parking lot was entirely full.

The car was parked in another gated area that looked like a drop off and pickup area. There were guards stationed at the entrance and exit of the small area. The two doctors parked the car and got out, Spencer thought they had assumed they would have to carry him into the building as well but he waited for the door to be opened before climbing out himself. He could do this. ‘Just play along and act how they want you to, smile, try to talk to people, let them think you’re fine so you can get the fuck out of here as soon as possible.’ He thought to himself as he walked up to the building with a doctor on either side of him. They buzzed and a loud metallic sound ripped through the air before the door swung open.

He walked inside with the doctors, taking in his surroundings and mapping out the areas he was seeing. He read the signs and made sure to focus on what they read. He avoided any sympathetic eye contact and followed them to the room for his admittance. The doctors traded their places with a nurse who lead Spencer around and showed him a few places he would need to know, the cafeteria, the commons area of the floor he was on, then the room he would be staying in.

She was a short, plump, cheery nurse with red hair and green blue eyes. She promised Spencer that she would come back with the patient’s clothing before turning around and walking off down the hallway. She returned shortly with a small stack of clothing and pointed into him to the bathroom. 

“You can change first if that’s what you would like to do.” She offered and he nodded, going into the nearest bathroom and changing. He brought back his clothes and handed them to her then turned to face his room again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer meets Alvie for the first time and is shown around the ward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still looking for names for this! Please submit what you want it to be named!! :)

Spencer took a deep breath before he walked into his shared room, looking over at his roommate with a small smile. Might as well try to be polite, he supposed. 

“Hi… I’m your uh… ‘roommate’ I guess?” When he spoke his voice was soft, above a whisper yet not a normal volume most people would use.

The Puerto Rican man in the room looked up from where he was sitting criss-crossed on the bed, a half folded jacket in his hands. At the sight of the other man in the room his dark brown eyes lit up and he tossed the coat to the side the thin jacket no longer mattering to him now. He jumped to his feet and even though he stood across the room from Spencer he basically towered over him. He raked a hand through his dark hair before extending it to the other, a cheery smile on his face as he stepped up and greeted him.

"Nice to meetcha, the name's Juan Alvarez, but everyone round here just calls me Alvie. Got sent here on account of my manic and depressive episodes from my bipolar disorder! I refuse to take my meds and keep gettin' sent back, but they won't break me." Alvie exclaimed all too joyfully, not realizing how much he was over-sharing considering he had just met Spencer not even a full minute ago. "What brings ya in? And what do I call ya, roomie?" He asked with an overjoyed expression, inching himself toward the smaller man with an unwavering demeanor, which made Spencer a little nervous, but he tried his best not to show it because the man seemed nice so far.

Spencer wasn’t too sure how to deal with the sudden enthusiastic interaction and he felt his heart pick up speed as the other spoke to him. He looked up at the taller man with a slightly tilted head. He made sure to take note of both his full name and nick-name, and why he was sent in and he felt a small surge of nerves as Alvie spoke about his manic and depressive episodes. Spencer remembered a few things from his psychology course he had taken while in the orphanage, that was one of them.

"Okay... Uhm... I got sent here for trying to kill myself.. I tried overdosing and drank a hell of a lot more alcohol than I will ever drink again…” He focused on the linoleum of the floor as he thought back to what he had been asked, his voice still coming out as a near whisper. “Spencer Goodmann is my name.. You can call me Spencer or Spence... either one is fine." He shook the other man's hand with his own thin, pale one as he felt a small smile try to make it's way onto his face. Alvie’s already happy eyes became absolutely ecstatic at the feeling of Spencer’s hand in his, and after the short hand shake he hopped up in the air with a pump of his fist and cheery hoot.

"I've uh... Never been here before…” Spencer started again. He spoke towards the floor, not wanting to make eye contact more than he needed to. “Can you give me a quick rundown of everything?" Spencer hated being in places he didn't know, familiarity was an important thing to him. The orphanages he had been to despite never looking the same were always the same. Being in unknown areas with little to no idea what would be going on day in and day out heightened his anxiety, which was shown through how he would bite at his lip until it bled. He had been working at that one spot for an hour now, waiting until the prying eyes of nurses and doctors were gone before he took the skin clean off with his teeth and let the blood stick on his lips.

Spencer leaned against the wall behind him, looking over at the doorway that rested to the left of him. If he needed to leave the room he could, he thought to himself. That thought helped ease off the anxious feeling that was bubbling up in his chest from the other’s incredibly extroverted attitude.

He watched as Alvie turned to face him when he explained why he was admitted, but the Puerto Rican’s smile remained. 

"No alcohol, huh?" He asked with unsettling happiness, slinging his arm around the scrawnier one's shoulders. "EVERYBODY! Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots!" He yelled, pumping his fist as he sang, appearing completely unaware of how insensitive he was acting. As he continued with his singing-shouting escapade he ushered the other into the hall and eventually into the main room. It was the room the nurses had shown Spencer, but he hadn’t gotten too much of a chance to take in the room like he now did. It was a wide, open area with chairs, checker boards on small tables, a grand piano, and a ping pong table which possessed no net or paddles. It did however have one dented ping pong ball that really needed to be replaced.

Alvie released his grip on the other, waving his arms in the air as he bounced around happily. "Mi casa es su casa!" He announced, drawing the attention of a few patients from his volume.  
He ran back over to Spencer -who was gradually turning into a nervous wreck- wrapping an arm around the pale boy and guiding him around the mostly empty room. The Puerto Rican gestured to an area walled in place that stuck out from the rest of the flat wall which was set up with a similar appearance to that of ticket booth, with a window that slid open and doctors and nurses on the other side who were looking at charts and moving around in ways that reminded Spencer of a beehive.

"That's where ya take ya medicine, if you choose to." He emphasized, nudging the brunette with his elbow. The neurotic man back-tracked, pointing to the piano that was situated in a corner by one of the barred windows. "That's a piano, if ya didn't know. The keys are locked, so we can't play it. It'd be annoying to have so many crazy people banging on the keys 24/7, like can you imagine how obnoxious that'd be?!" He asked with great enthusiasm which earned the duo more than one eye-roll from the other patients and a few nurses through the window of the medication room.  
He was drawn back to reality at the obnoxious way Alvie said 'obnoxious'. 

"Yeah.. heh... I bet that would be so obnoxious." Spencer responded while fixing his gaze on the floor until he was being moved forward again by the other man who let out a high pitched laugh as he continued on the small tour of the room for the other, and Spencer followed. This being mostly due to the arm around the small of his waist.

Spencer looked over at the piano again as Alvie took him away from it and tilted his head, looking it over with curious eyes. Why was it there if no one was allowed to play it? The Puerto Rican dropped his arm from around him and started running which caused Spencer to be brought out of this thoughtful stupor. It made him notice that there were people who were still looking at him and he suddenly realized how badly he wanted to get out of this room, but he knew he could handle it for a bit longer. It was an open area and he didn’t feel closed in like he had in the inpatient room of the non-psychiatric hospital. He was also silently thankful that Alvie had let him go before he took off at a full sprint so he felt a bit calmer to be away from the physical contact.

When the two got to the ping-pong table Alvie quickly slid to a stop which caused him to glide a bit on the smooth tile. "This is the ping pong table. We aren't allowed paddles or a net, so we just imagine it and use our hands. They treat us like children here, ain't it crazy?" He asked in what seemed to be honest disbelief, running back over to Spencer with a grin on his face. "Any questions before we finalize the Private-Juan-Alvarez-Tour?" He asked with an eyebrow wiggle, nudging up to the other obnoxiously.

Spencer felt more eyes on the two of them from Alvie sliding across the floor which made him feel more panicked. The other man continuing to shout and draw more attention to them than there already was made his anxiety worsen. 

He felt as though there was a weight settling on his chest and he was starting to feel suffocated. He couldn't really focus on what the Puerto Rican was saying anymore, though he was taking in the words and even giving a couple one worded responses every now and again. "Uh-huh." 

Spencer jumped back slightly after being startled from the taller man running back over to him and he shook his head quickly "No… No questions… I... I just... I want to get out of this room." He said with a breathy whisper. He felt like everyone in the room was staring him down even though there weren't many people looking at him. 

He wasn’t entirely sure if he could deal with being stuck with the exact opposite of himself. He felt his palms sweat and his lip throb as he bit it again with no thought to the action and he moved from the other man's arm.

Alvie looked at the other with a slightly tilted head his eyes wide and smile dropping some as he took in the obvious nervousness the kid was giving off. "Y'all right? This place too much for ya? Don't worry, ya get used to it. Well, to most of it." He offered with a smile, his cheery demeanor returning. 

"I'm sorry I need to get out of here." He said through a weak breath and he moved quickly into the hallway and back into their room. Spencer felt bad for running from the room to hide from the prying eyes of others but he needed to get out of there. Once he was in the safety of his shared room he climbed on his bed and curled up on a corner that was pressed to the corner of the wall. He could hear himself wheezing and feel his heart pumping through all of his body as he tried to push away the threatening panic attack he felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have 7 more chapters already written up I guess I'll upload them every other day and then try weekly or every other week once I get through putting up these first 9 chapters.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer has a borderline panic attack and Alvie calms him down with rapping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really felt like posting this. The rest will be on a schedule of every other day then every other week after the first 5 chapters!

Alvie was thrown off by the other running away, and he stared off in the direction he went. The Puerto Rican scratched his head, shrugged, then followed him with a hop in his step. 

"Don't worry people! Alvie will be back soon!" He shouted to the room, pounding his chest before making a peace sign as he exited. The oblivious man made it over to their shared room, and peaked his head inside. " 'Ello?" He asked with a dopey grin, before he laid his eyes to rest on the anxiety-ridden boy. His expression slowly faded to one of confusion as he made his way over, sitting on the bed so he was relatively close, his leg bouncing at a rapid pace and his hand twitching every once in awhile. "Yo, you alright?" He asked with a quieter voice, his eyes locked on the other's trembling form.

Spencer had his arms wrapped around himself, his hands trembling against his legs as he hugged them close to his body. He gave a short, sharp nod to the other as he asked if he was alright. "Fine... I'm fine... I uh.. I've just got really bad anxiety and I'm really... really introverted." He wiggled his fingers slightly, drumming them against his leg as he looked at Alvie. "I should have said that sooner I guess." 

Alvie focused his gaze on the other, as if reading him, trying to make sense of the situation. "Yeah, a heads up would've been nice." He agreed, fiddling with his hands. 

A drop of blood bubbled up from Spencer’s lip and dripped down to his chin. He ignored it as he ran a hand through his hair and tugged on it slightly as he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry..." He let out a soft, breathy laugh and looked down at the bed tears prickling at his eyes before he wiped them away with a pale hand only for them to be soon replaced by more.

Alvie looked back over at the other and caught sight of the blood dripping from his mouth, and instinctively he reached over, cupped Spencer's face with a soft hand, and gently wiped it off with his thumb.   
Spencer felt his face heat up with a light pink blush spreading across it when Alvie wiped away the blood that was dripping from his lip. No one had ever made such a kind, easy gesture towards him and it took him a bit by surprise. He had expected him to laugh at him, making fun of him, or even hurt him, but he never expected Alvie to reach out with such a gentle touch and wipe the blood from his face. "Sorry again." He spoke softly.

Alvie decided to use this as an opportunity to change the subject and hopefully get Spencer’s mind off of his anxiety. "That's your nervous tick, eh? Mine's freestylin'." He offered with a grin, hoping his positive vibes would rub off on the other. 

The Puerto Rican jumped to his feet as Spencer tilted his head while watching him.

Alvie hopped around a little while facing the other. He allowed himself a moment to think before eventually rapping. 

"Poor Spencer's got anxiety, but don't worry 'bout me, I'll respect ya privacy! 'Cause in my eyes he's a pretty cool dude, so excuse my behavior if I seem kinda rude! I just love makin' new friends, cause most of 'em leave and I can't make amends. So, please excuse my behaviors if they're not your style, I hope you can tolerate me and stay around for a while?" He finished with a hopeful smile, hobbling back and forth on his feet, twitching every once in a while. He ran a hand through his hair before sitting back down on the bed, glancing at the other.

Spencer listened to him freestyle and a smile bloomed across his face. He also had a small giggle escape him as he moved closer to him to hug him and bury his face against the other man's shoulder. "I'll definitely be around for a while, Alvie." 

Alvie was usually the one to engage physical contact in situations, so he was a bit startled when the other hugged him first, but he quickly wrapped his hands around the smaller boy. He snuggled into him, patting his back lightly. He almost teared up at his words, but had enough self control not to. "Yo, don't make me cry." He scolded with a breaking voice, quickly blinking away his tears. 

Spencer softly clung to the other for a while as he relished in the comforting feeling of the other patting his back and he looked up at his face at the break in his voice before nuzzling his nose gently against the others jaw as he sat back and looked at him as he wiped the drying tears away from his face. ‘When did I start crying?’ He thought to himself for a moment before the thought vanished as he realized something. He had made a friend and hadn't even been there an hour yet. And now he would do anything for the other man because Spencer cared so deeply for his friends when he was able to make them.

“Ya know ya gotta go out in that room during group sharing hours, right?" Alvie asked with his normal enthusiasm again, even though his emotions were currently all over the place.

Spencer had been brought out of his happy realization of a new friend as the other spoke again before he nodded and sighed under his breath at the reminder of group sharing hours. "Yeah but I'll be able to prepare myself for it.. I wasn't really able to prep myself for your grand tour." He chuckled softly after he spoke.

"I'll be alright with it though.... Try to avoid talking as much as possible and even if I can't avoid it I can act like I'm only talking to you and tune everyone else in the room out. It's worked before." He shrugged his shoulders and looked up at him with his head tilted slightly and a soft smile on his face. 

Alvie shrugged and nodded, a smile making its way back to his lips. "Sounds fair enough, Spence." He responded, before his eyes slowly widened and he began striking up another beat.   
"Uh, his name is Spence and he's far from dense! Even though he's a bit tense, I enjoy his presence! I'm sure he enjoys his best bud Alvie, who's always there for him- ...." He paused mid sentence, his eyes going wide and focusing downcast as he fiddled with his hands, twitching now and then. 

He grit his teeth together, biting the side of his mouth before licking over the mark, deathly silent as he searched for a way to end his rap."I don't always rhyme too well." He finally spoke up, his voice small like it shrank with his confidence. But, he rebounded almost instantaneously and brought his head up, his bright smile returning like it was never gone. "All I need is a bit a polish, then I'll be rappin' like nobody's business!" He amended, his nerves suppressed by his constantly swaying emotions. 

Spencer's eyes widened when Alvie started rapping again and he smiled, but when he stopped and his mood went downhill Spencer looked up at him and was about to console him when his mood returned and Spencer smiled. "You're damn right Alvie."

"So! Tell me about yourself!" Alvie shouted, leaning closer to the other and resting his chin in the heel of his hand, eyes wide with interest and completely ignoring what just happened.  
Spencer tilted his head a bit when asked to tell the other about himself before he shrugged. "Alright sure.... What do you want to know?" He went back to biting at his lower lip, much more gentle this time as he tried to think of things to tell about himself that weren't too obvious or boring. Alvie scooted closer, his smile widening. Although he had been told it was unsettling to some people for someone to smile that big he didn't stop doing it. 

Spencer looked at Alvie and slightly arched a brow, a soft smile on his lips. He could handle being the center of attention of one person for a little while. It would help him to prep himself if he had to speak in the group therapy session. He hated talking to groups of people, -in all honesty he could hardly handle talking to one person most of the time- but the more people in the group the harder it got for him. But now that he was thinking about it, it wasn't like that when he was talking to Alvie. He didn't feel freaked out that someone was paying so much attention to him for once because he felt like Alvie wouldn't judge him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys share their backgrounds with one another while Spencer prepares himself to go to the group therapy session.

"Tell me whatever, I wanna know ya, have a heart-to-heart! I'm an open-book y'know!" Alvie exclaimed in a cheerful manner, gently rocking back and forth as he waited in anticipation, perhaps a bit too close to the other for most people’s comfort but he wasn’t too aware of personal space sometimes. "Alvie don't judge!" He added, making an odd gesture with his hands as he did so that was supposed to seem cool. He bit his lip as he smiled before returning to his previous position.

"Hmm... Okay well, my parents either both died or just didn’t want me when I was really little and I was raised in orphanage after orphanage. I got adopted once but they brought me back, called me defective, broken, shit like that... No one ever wanted to adopt the quiet, sad looking kid who didn't wanna talk to anyone." He shrugged his shoulders. "I made maybe two friends from the time I went to the orphanage until today. Now it's maybe three." He smiled at Alvie before picking one of his fingernails, putting all of his focus into staring at his hand before he went on speaking. 

He hesitated for a moment before he spoke again. "I lived with one of those friends for a while after we both got thrown out of the orphanage... Then about six months ago he kicked me out and I couldn't find anywhere to stay or get a job... Or even feed myself most days... So I gave up... I was gonna kill myself and now here I am." He looked at Alvie. "That's all I can think of."

Alvie lit up at the other's story, which was not the typical or expected reaction and Spencer was more than a little surprised by his reaction, most people would feel bad for him and possibly even shed a few sympathetic tears. But Alvie wasn’t most people. 

"Yo, sweet!” He started with a wide grin. “I feel we can relate a bit, y'see, my mom died when I was four. And my dad?" He cut himself off for dramatic effect, and then made a farting noise. "Split. Outta here. And y'know what happened next? I got fondled by my Uncle! Not so good at the time.” 

"I'm sorry to hear about all those bad things." Spencer frowned and bit at his lower lip. He hated when awful things like that happened to people who truly didn’t deserve it. Though he didn’t really care what happened to himself.

“Eh, sharing the story got me third floor privileges to the vending machines." Alvie giggled and nudged the other, grinning brightly. "Life ain't so bad, cause y'know, one thing always leads to another. I got raped, but now I can get sour cream and onion chips!" He let out another high-pitched laugh of immense volume and scooted closer. "Ya gotta tell me more than that, some personal stuff!" He made his point by shimmying his shoulders, both hands firmly holding the weight of his head under his chin.

Spencer felt himself blush when Alvie asked for more information and he tilted his head. "Hm.. well... I'm gay and since I'm also small and not particularly masculine I got made fun of a lot… beaten up more than a few times too." He bit his lower lip and looked at the man in front of him with a shrug of his shoulders. Why did he even bring that up? Now Alvie probably wouldn’t want to be roomed with him anymore.

Alvie tilted his head to the side, bright smile unwavering. "Huh, that's neat! I'm pretty sure I'm bi, I'm not really sure. But the ladies here don't do anything for me." He replied with ease, completely content with the conversation, even if it was a touchy subject. 

"... I'm glad you're the one I'm roomed with here Alvie." He looked at the Puerto Rican and smiled, hoping to change the subject from something that ended up causing him anxiety.

Alvie perked up some more and turned to Spencer, a warm smile on his face. "You're the first dude who's ever said that to me. Y'see, all of my former roomies asked for a change within the first 5 minutes of meeting me." He chuckled, lounging back on the bed and resting against the wall.

Spencer blushed and nodded, looking at his hands nervously before smiling up at him. "They don't know what kind of friend they lost out on... You're a really good guy." He moved to hug Alvie again and as the other man leaned back against the wall Spencer was pulled with him.

Alvie cocked his head to the other once more, expression peaceful. "Also, you don't gotta worry 'bout self-defense 'round me. I gotcha covered." He soothed in an intimidating voice before letting Spencer move back. Then he was hopping up off the bed to throw some air-punches and kicks. He was really just tumbling around in a very ungraceful manner but it made Spencer feel better.   
"My knight in shining armor!" Spencer swooned jokingly he had to admit to himself that Alvie fighting the air was actually pretty adorable.

Alvie posed with one arm in the air and the other at his waist, looking back at Spencer with a raised eyebrow. 

"You got it baby." He responded in an equally playful way, even winking at him before bounding back to the bed, sitting criss-cross beside the anxious boy. He just sat there for a bit, with his hands in his lap, his leg bouncing, before turning to Spencer. "Yo, are you gonna take the meds they prescribe ya?" He asked him in low tone, looking at him with expectant eyes.

He looked at Alvie with his head tilted slightly when asked about the medicine. He bit his lower lip and shook his head slightly. "I don't think so.. Depression meds fuck you up worse than the depression."   
"Good." The Puerto Rican next to him said in response almost immediately while nodding at Spencer’s answer. He sighed while adjusting his position before he decided to rest his hands -which were twitching everyone once in awhile- on his bouncing legs. 

Spencer raised his brow slightly at the others immediate reply before playing with his own hands for a moment before he looked over at Alvie again. "Is that why you don't take yours?" He leaned a bit closer to Alvie, his own tone lower than it had already been.

Alvie turned his attention to the other and snorted, huffing out a laugh of disbelief. "Nah, I don’t take them because I don't need them. They're tryin’ to fix something that's not broken, I'm fine." He pressed, folding his arms in front of his chest and slouching, almost as if he was pouting.

Spencer tilted his head and bit his lower lip before smiling and nodding. "You're absolutely right. You're not broken, and neither am I." He looked at the bed between them and pulled at the skin on his lip before looking up and smiling at the Puerto Rican in front of him. He thought the other man looking like he was pouting was the most adorable thing he had ever seen. It made a smile bloom across Spencer’s face.

Alvie looked up, his cheerful grin returning to his face. 

"These doctors, they try and fix things that ain't broke. Like you and me." He spoke passionately, his hands forming fists, before he glanced at the other, dazed by his expression and faulted to his normal position. "What's the look for?" He asked, taken back a bit. "I've never seen ya smile like that." He added, pointing and twirling his finger at the other, a grin of his own making its way to his mouth.  
He nodded to what Alvie said and the smile on his face stayed put. A soft blush spread across his cheeks as he noticed Alvie look dazed for a moment when he noticed Spencer's expression and he blushed a bit darker when the other pointed out his smile and he covered his face and laughed some. 

"Is there a problem with me smiling?" He looked at Alvie and pouted slightly with a raised brow before he smiled again and tilted his head some. He changed the way he was sitting to let his legs dangle off the bed and his feet hover above the floor as he looked at the Puerto Rican again.

Alvie put his hands in the air in a surrendering way. He made his way over to the side of the bed to sit beside the other. "No siree, just have never seen ya do it." He admitted with a joking voice, turning to face the other. 

The Puerto Rican ran a hand through his hair, scratching the back of his neck as he drifted his attention to the clock. "Oh! It's almost group discussion hour." he jumped up, nudging the other. "Don't worry, everyone here is just as crazy as you. No judging." He explained in a caring tone, jumping around in place as he waited for the other.

Spencer felt a ball of nerves rest in his stomach and he sighed softly at the thought of group discussion. "I really don't wanna do this." He shook his head and walked over to Alvie, taking a deep breath and looking at him with a nervous smile. "There's no way around it though so I might as well just suck it up I guess." 

He shrugged his shoulders slightly and bit his lower lip. He would most definitely be following Alvie around like a lost puppy unless told otherwise. He didn't want to accidentally do something wrong and be made fun of for it. He hated the orphanages growing up for that exact reason, he didn't make friends and all of the kids around him were able to pick out his flaws and make fun of them, which was part of the reason he was depressed for years before he tried to give up and kill himself. He was drawn out of his moment of remembering -having not even realized he was zoned out- when he noticed Alvie jumping around in place and he smiled at him. "Let's go I guess."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Group therapy goes on and Dr. Medina comes in being rude to Alvie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone please fight me I'm so sorry this is late.

Alvie gestured his head to the door, bounding to the exit of the room before jumping into the hall. 

"This way!" He cheered excitedly, hopping around as he made his way to the main room. "Good evening ladies and gentlemen, sorry to keep you folks waiting." He soothed the group -that couldn’t care less he had entered- before taking a seat across from the doctor, pulling one of the empty seats close. 

The female doctor nodded in greeting with a voice that -even though Spencer couldn’t see her face- told him she was forcing a smile to the other man. "Good evening, Alvie."

Spencer saw as Alvie turned his head and noticed he was lagging behind before whistling to get his attention, furiously patting the seat beside him.

Spencer had taken a few moments to stand outside of the room and calm himself down as the anxiety built up. He walked over and took the seat next to Alvie, and looking over at him with a soft smile he hoped to stay quiet for as long as he could. He was still mentally preparing himself for the group speaking he would most likely be having to do. There were few things that gave him more anxiety than group speaking. 

He looked over at Alvie before he looked at the rest of the group. None of them were looking at him for now which helped edge off some of the anxiety he had about this so far. He started to play with a loose thread on the bottom hem of his shirt, tugging on it and tangling it around one of his fingers before he let it go and looked at Alvie again.

The doctor looked up with a warm smile on her face once Spencer sat down, her expression open and welcoming. 

"Hello there Spencer. Group, welcome our newest patient Spencer to the circle." She announced in a relatively hushed voice with the hope to not startle him. 

The patients either gave a half-hearted wave, a mumbled greeting, or didn't acknowledge him at all. 

"I understand you have anxiety, so I don't expect you to participate in this group activity right away. But, try and pay attention and open up a bit, alright?" she asked with a comforting tone. 

Alvie let out a snort, crossing his arms in front of his chest and bouncing his legs. "Yo Miss, can we got outside soon?" He asked impatiently, eyes focused on the far wall instead of on her. 

The doctor drew her attention away from Spencer, giving Alvie a look that said she had to deal with his antics many times before. "Not yet, Alvie. We can after group therapy hour." She replied calmly, masking her displeasure. 

After eyeing Alvie she returned Spencer's gaze, her friendly demeanor returning. "Would you like to talk a bit about yourself, Spencer? We understand if it's too much, you can just listen for today." She offered, crossing her legs and resting the clipboard in her lap.

Spencer was glad hardly any of the group even acknowledged him and he gave a small wave back to those who gave him one. He glanced over at Alvie when he spoke and tilted his head slightly before looking back at the doctor and reading through to her displeasure. Never one for talking he would use subtle cues with his body language to show he didn't want to talk so he learned how to read people very easily. He blushed when asked to tell about himself and took a deep breath before nodding. 

"I guess... Uhm... I'm Spencer and outside of here I'm a homeless, depressed guy who tried to end myself so I wouldn’t have to deal with the terrible life I’ve had anymore.." He trailed off at the end and looked over at Alvie before speaking again. "Uhm that's all I would like to share if that's alright?" He looked at the floor, taking in the pattern and studying it to avoid anyone's eye contact.

The doctor offered a reassuring smile, scribbling something onto her clipboard before looking back up. 

"Of course, Spencer." She said kindly, turning to Alvie. "So, Mr.Alvarez. Have you decided to take your medicine yet?" She asked expectantly, her expression blank but her tone nagging. 

Alvie let out a high-pitched laugh of disbelief, turning to her with a mocking expression. "No way, Doc. You can keep that medicine to yourself, I'm fine. " He snapped, glaring at her. 

"If you were fine, you wouldn't be here." There came a voice from behind the doctor, followed by footsteps as a man walked into the room. He was a young guy, probably in his 30s, with smoothed back hair and an expensive suit. He had a nametag that read Dr. Medina clipped above his breast pocket. 

Alvie looked at him through an unsettled glare, obviously not liking his presence. "I have no choice but to be here, trust me, if it were up to me I'd be outta here." He replied with a snarl.   
Dr. Medina raised an eyebrow, sauntering forward. "And why do you think that is? Why do you think you aren't allowed to go?" He asked in a condescending tone. "You're delusional. You can't rap, and your emotions are all over the place. If you were like the rest of society, you'd be a part of it. Face your flaws, Mr.Alvarez." He spoke to him in an eerily calm tone, causing Alvie to tense. 

"S'not true." He argued, even though the other man had visibly destroyed his confidence and caused him to take on an upset look. It made Spencer uncomfortable and unsettled to see Alvie upset like that.

Dr. Medina just gave him a smile, turning on his heel and marching out of the room. "Get help." Was the last thing he said before disappearing down the staff hall. 

The doctor cleared her throat, offering Alvie a pitiful look, but his eyes were downcast. "Courtyard time!" She announced, antsy to get off the subject. 

Before the doctor could even stand, Alvie was racing out the backdoor and down the steps to the courtyard's basketball court, wanting more than anything to get away from anymore accusations.

Spencer took in the tenseness of the room and felt his blood boiling with something akin to hatred as Dr. Medina so easily broke Alvie down. He wanted to say something to Alvie once the doctor left but as soon as he was gone they were allowed to go outside and Alvie took off. 

Spencer got up right after him and hurried along behind him with a frown, he caught up to him after running a bit and he gently grabbed his hand. 

"He's wrong." Spencer said softly to him once they were outside. "You're not delusional, you can rap better than most people I know.. Hell everyone's emotions are all over the place some people just keep it all hidden and most of them aren’t as happy as you are... You don't do that. That's the only difference." 

He slowly let go of Alvie's hand and looked over at the taller man, biting his lip until he tasted blood again before he opened his mouth to speak once more. He shut it though, not sure what he could say at this point before he spoke quietly, hardly coming above a whisper. "We're both fine. We just deal with things differently than they do."

Alvie glanced over at Spencer, his face neutral before he broke out into a grin. "I know he’s wrong, he just pissed me off. Just cause he's a doctor he thinks he knows everything." He spit, jogging over to the court and picking up the basketball that was resting in the middle of it, dribbling it with one hand and bouncing it to the next. 

Spencer watched as he ran up to the hoop and tried to alley-oop, but failed miserably. He chased the ball down to where it rolled off to, wiping his forehead that had a thin sheet of sweat over it due to the heat. He shed his jacket and tossed it onto the bench, racing back over to Spencer who was waiting on the court. 

"It takes a lot to tear me down, Spence." He assured as Spencer nodded to his voice silently appreciating it. He watched Alvie shoot another basket and this time he actually made it. "But thanks for your concern friend-o." He grinned, hopping over to the ball and dribbling it in place. 

"You wanna play?" He offered, doing some idle moves with it as he awaited an answer.

Spencer smiled when the other's grin returned and he nodded with a soft laugh. "Yeah. That's why I'm here too." He shrugged his shoulders and took his jacket off before tying it around his hips.   
"I'm awful at it so no thanks." He laughed softly. "You'll probably die from secondhand embarrassment from me trying to play." He crossed his arms in front of himself and looked at him. "I can watch you play though." He offered with a smile on his lips.

“Sure! It’s whatever you wanna do mi amigo!” Alvie said as he took off with the ball again, dribbling it across the court as he went and Spencer followed along with a small smile. 

He made it over to the bench across the courtyard and took a seat, watching Alvie play contently. He had never been good at sports even though he had tried many times to be able to do so in the past.  
Alvie seemed to be enjoying himself, running around with the ball. One time it rolled over to Spencer who gently picked it up and tossed it back to him. It didn’t quite make it all the way, but Alvie picked it up after it bounced off the ground and up to him.

This carried on until their time in the courtyard was ended. Spencer stood up and grabbed the jacket Alvie had shed when they got outside before he walked over to him and into the looming building ahead of them.

A bell rang and Alvie rolled his eyes at the noise before looking at Spencer. “That’s the bell for everyone to pop their pills.” He said with a loud sigh before shaking his head and walking back to their room.  
Spencer glanced at the line for a moment before he turned to follow Alvie and was stopped when he almost slammed right into a man’s chest. He glanced at the nametag and felt his throat tighten suddenly.

“D-Dr. Medina.” He said softly, looking at the floor before glancing up to make eye contact for a brief moment.

“Mr. uh… Goodmann? Is it?” He asked, to which Spencer nodded in response. “I see you’ve decided to not take your medicine today… I know you’re roomed with Mr. Alvarez and he might try to get you to avoid your medicine -the man is delusional honestly, he refuses to take the medicine he needs and claims to be absolutely fine and normal… it’s ridiculous- but I promise everything will be much, much easier on you if you just take it.” He offered a fake grin that made Spencer feel uncomfortable and subconsciously curl in on himself. “Keep that in mind won’t you?”

Spencer gave a short nod before quickly moving around the man to head into his room with Alvie. He looked slightly scared when he entered the room and he was biting at his lower lip, reopening the wound and expanding it some. Alvie had taken note of his actions and looked at him with a large grin and tilted his head, his hands twitching and legs bouncing as he spoke.

“Yo Spence you alright?” He got off his bed and made his way over to him, placing a hand on the smaller man’s shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Dr. Medina stopped me before I could get out of the common area. I got really nervous and kinda scared...” He spoke quietly and quickly. “He called you delusional and insulted you and I didn’t wanna hear it and he was telling me ‘it’ll be a whole lot easier fi I just take my medicie.’ I don’t want to take my medicine I want to fucking get out of here and finish what I fucking failed to do the first time.” He was speaking so fast and soft that the end of his sentence was a jumbled mess and once he realized what he had said he buried his face into Alvie’s chest and sobs started to cause his body to shake as he let out emotions he hadn’t let out in years.

Alvie on the other hand was taken completely off guard by the other’s quick speech and he carefully listened to everything he was saying. He wrapped his arms around Spencer quickly and lifted him up. He carried him over to his bed and sat him down, hopping around a bit before he spoke. “Yo Spence it’s alright man.” He placed his hands gently on the other’s shoulders and squeezed them gently. He stepped back for a moment, hopping around before he started to rap. “Yo yo yo Spence just met Dr. Medina. He’s an asshole and real big mean’ah. Hope he didn’t scare ya too bad. Because that’d make me kinda mad.” He couldn’t think of anything beyond that on the spot, and his happiness seemed to die down due to it. 

Spencer noticed this and he quickly started applauding him in the hopes it would cheer him up. “That was really good Alvie.” He offered, instantly more concerned with his friend’s happiness than his own discomfort towards -and not so slight fear of- Dr. Medina.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this leave kudos and a comment maybe? Criticism is also accepted as long as you are trying to help me improve!  
> Talk to me on tumblr if you want?  
> some-real-awkward-shit.tumblr.com


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